Loneliness • Mental Health • Connection • Group Therapy
We have more ways to reach each other than any generation before us. Texts, video calls, group chats, social feeds. And yet a lot of people go to bed at night feeling like nobody really knows what is going on with them.
That gap between being connected and feeling connected has a name: loneliness. It is not just a passing mood. When it sticks around, it can affect sleep, mood, relationships, physical health, and the way we see ourselves.
One question comes up often in our work: why do mental health struggles seem to be rising, even though there is more awareness and more support available than ever? Loneliness is a big part of that answer.
In this guide, we will look at what loneliness is, why it is growing, the damage it can do over time, and why connecting with other people, including through group therapy, can help in ways that working on yourself alone sometimes cannot.
The Short Answer
Loneliness is the painful feeling that your connections with others are not as close or as meaningful as you need them to be. When it lasts, it has been linked to a higher risk of depression, anxiety, poor sleep, and even heart disease. Because loneliness is about missing connection, real contact with other people, such as a supportive therapy group, is often part of what helps.
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is not the same as being alone.
Some people live by themselves, spend most evenings solo, and feel perfectly content. Others are married, have busy jobs, and see friends every weekend, yet still feel unseen.
Loneliness is about the quality of connection, not the number of people around you. It shows up when there is a gap between the relationships you have and the relationships you need.
“I am surrounded by people, and I still feel alone.”
If that sentence sounds familiar, you are far from the only one. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on what it called an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, noting that about half of American adults report experiencing loneliness.
Loneliness vs. Social Isolation: What Is the Difference?
The two often go together, but they are not identical.
Knowing which one you are dealing with can help you figure out what kind of support might fit.
| Area | Loneliness | Social Isolation |
|---|---|---|
| What it is | A feeling of disconnection | Having few social contacts |
| Can you see it from outside? | Often not | Usually yes |
| Typical thought | “Nobody really gets me.” | “I have no one to call.” |
| Can happen in a crowd? | Yes | No |
| What tends to help | Deeper, more honest connection | More regular contact with others |
A therapy group can help with both. It adds regular contact to your week, and it gives you a place where conversations go deeper than small talk.
Why Is Loneliness Growing?
There is no single cause, but a few patterns stand out.
Modern life has become more individual. Many of us live far from family, change jobs and cities often, and spend more time on screens than in shared spaces. These changes brought real benefits like more freedom, comfort, and economic opportunity. They also left many people with fewer daily, face-to-face relationships.
California is a good example. Long commutes, high living costs, remote work, and people constantly moving in and out of cities can make it hard to build the kind of community that used to form naturally around a neighborhood or extended family.
For people who moved here from another country, the distance can be even bigger. Leaving behind family, language, and familiar routines often brings a quiet kind of loneliness that friends born here may not fully see. That is part of why Immigrant Group Therapy exists as its own space.
We have more ways to connect than ever, and fewer places to really be known.
The Destructive Effects of Loneliness on Life
A lonely week is part of being human. Loneliness that lasts for months or years is different.
Over time, it can reach into almost every area of life.
01
Mental Health
Long-term loneliness is linked to a higher risk of depression and anxiety. The two can feed each other: anxiety makes reaching out harder, and staying away from people makes anxiety louder. For many people, Anxiety Therapy and working on connection go hand in hand.
02
Physical Health
The Surgeon General’s advisory describes the health impact of lacking social connection as comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and links it to higher risk of heart disease and stroke.
03
Sleep and Energy
Lonely people often report lighter, more broken sleep. Feeling unsafe or unsupported can keep the mind on alert, even at night.
04
Relationships
Loneliness can make people more sensitive to rejection. They may read a short reply as coldness, pull back first to avoid getting hurt, and end up more alone. The protection becomes part of the problem.
05
Motivation and Self-Worth
When nobody is around to notice your effort, wins can feel empty and setbacks feel heavier. Over time, people may start to believe the loneliness says something about their worth.
IMPORTANT
Loneliness is not a mental health diagnosis, and feeling lonely does not mean something is wrong with you. But if it has lasted a long time, or comes with low mood, constant worry, or thoughts of not wanting to be here, it is worth talking with a mental health professional.
Why “Just Work on Yourself” Is Not Always Enough
A lot of popular advice tells us that everything we need is already inside us. Build better habits. Find your motivation. Learn to enjoy your own company.
Some of that is useful. But people are social by nature. When loneliness comes from missing connection, trying to fix it purely from the inside can feel like trying to quench thirst by thinking about water.
Often, inner strength grows because of good relationships, not instead of them. Being heard, being seen, and being needed by others are some of the things that give our inner motivation something solid to stand on.
This is especially true for people who were taught to handle everything alone. Many men, for example, grew up hearing that needing people is a weakness. Men’s Group Therapy gives men a place to test that belief with others who were taught the same thing.
Self-work matters. But loneliness is often healed in the company of others.
How Group Therapy Helps With Loneliness
Individual therapy can help you understand where loneliness comes from. Group therapy adds something one-on-one sessions cannot: other people, in the room with you, every week.
If you are new to the idea, our guide on what group therapy is and how it works covers the basics. Here is why it can be especially helpful for loneliness.
In a therapy group, you can:
✓ Hear others describe feelings you thought only you had
✓ Have a regular, predictable place to show up each week
✓ Practice opening up in a setting with clear, respectful rules
✓ Notice how you pull back or protect yourself, as it happens
✓ Feel useful by supporting someone else, not only receiving support
✓ Carry new ways of connecting into your friendships and relationships
Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom, whose work shaped modern group psychotherapy, described the moment of realizing “I am not the only one” as one of the core reasons groups help. For someone who has felt alone for a long time, that moment can matter a lot.
Groups built around a shared experience can make the first step easier. Someone dealing with social anxiety may feel more at ease in a group where others understand it, especially alongside Anxiety Therapy. An immigrant who misses home may find that Immigrant Group Therapy is the first place they do not have to explain the whole story from the beginning. And a man who has kept everything to himself for years may find that Men’s Group Therapy is the first room where saying “I feel alone” does not feel like failing.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Loneliness can be hard to name, even to ourselves. These questions may help you notice what is going on.
✓ When was the last time I talked honestly with someone about how I am really doing?
✓ Do I feel like I have to perform or hold it together around most people?
✓ Have I been pulling away from people, even ones I care about?
✓ Does my loneliness feel connected to a move, a breakup, a loss, or a change at work?
✓ Would hearing from people with similar experiences make me feel less alone?
There are no right or wrong answers. Simply noticing the pattern is a real first step.
Watch: Understanding Loneliness
The following video explores the feeling of loneliness, the inner conflicts that keep us from reaching out, and why connection is one of the biggest challenges of our time.
A Message From the Founder of Heartfelt Flourish Psychotherapy
A Word From Our Founder
“I often hear people ask why so many of us are struggling when there is more mental health support than ever. I believe loneliness is one of the deepest roots of that struggle. We have been told that if we just find the right motivation inside ourselves, we will be fine. But people are not built to carry everything alone. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is sit with others who understand, and let ourselves be seen.”
— Hamed Fatahian, LMFT, Founder, Heartfelt Flourish Psychotherapy
Hamed Fatahian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Heartfelt Flourish Psychotherapy, which offers online therapy for individuals, couples, families, and groups across California.
Frequently Asked Questions About Loneliness
Is loneliness a mental illness?
No. Loneliness is a human experience, not a diagnosis. However, long-lasting loneliness can increase the risk of mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, so it deserves to be taken seriously.
Can loneliness cause anxiety?
Loneliness and anxiety often show up together and can make each other worse. Anxiety can make social contact feel risky, and avoiding contact can deepen loneliness. Anxiety Therapy can help break that cycle by working on both the worry and the avoidance.
Is group therapy good for loneliness?
For many people, yes. Group therapy gives you regular contact with others, a safe place to practice opening up, and the experience of hearing that others feel the same way. Whether it is the right fit depends on your needs, and a short consultation can help you decide.
Are there groups for men who feel isolated?
Yes. Many men find it hard to talk about loneliness because they were raised to handle things alone. Men’s Group Therapy offers a space to talk about stress, relationships, and emotions with other men who understand that pressure.
I moved to California from another country and feel very alone. Can a group help?
Loneliness after moving is very common, even years later. Immigrant Group Therapy brings together people who understand homesickness, cultural adjustment, and the feeling of living between two worlds.
Does online group therapy really help with loneliness?
It can. Online groups still offer real faces, real voices, and a regular weekly connection. For people with long commutes, busy schedules, or anxiety about walking into a room of strangers, joining from home can make it easier to start.
You Were Not Meant to Do This Alone
Loneliness can convince us that everyone else has figured out connection and we are the only ones left out.
That is rarely true.
Many of the people around you are carrying the same quiet weight. What often changes things is not one big moment, but small, repeated experiences of being heard: one honest conversation, then another, then a place you look forward to showing up.
Reaching out can feel awkward at first. It usually does.
It can also be the beginning of feeling less alone.
HEARTFELT FLOURISH PSYCHOTHERAPY
Tired of feeling alone in a crowded life?
If loneliness has been following you, whether after a move, a loss, or just a long stretch of feeling unseen, Group Therapy can give you a weekly place to connect with people who understand.
Learn more about Group Therapy at Heartfelt Flourish Psychotherapy, offered online for adults anywhere in California, and find a group that fits where you are right now.
References
Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
Yalom, I. D., & Leszcz, M. (2020). The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy (6th ed.). Basic Books.
Educational Note: This article is intended for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental health assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or are in immediate danger, contact appropriate emergency or crisis services in your area. In the US, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
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